266+ Plague Puns That Are Infectiously Funny 2025

Looking for some dark but delightful humor? Plague puns are the perfect way to add a dose of wit to history, medicine, or even modern-day mishaps. Whether you’re a fan of historical references, love wordplay, or just need a clever caption, this collection will have you “quarantined” with laughter.

From the Black Death to pandemic-related jokes, we’ve gathered the wittiest and most infectious puns to keep your spirits high. So, if you’re ready to spread some humor (safely, of course), keep reading—you won’t want to “mask” your excitement!

Hilarious Puns About Plagues 🦠

Why did the doctor carry a red pen?
In case they needed to draw blood! 🩸
What do you call a zombie who’s had too much to drink?
A drunk-ula! 🍷
Why did the bacterium go to school?
It wanted to improve its cell-f-esteem! 📚
What did the virus say to the immune system?
“You can’t stop me; I’m too viral!” 🦠
Why did the plague doctor break up with his girlfriend?
Because she just couldn’t get rid of her bacterial behavior! 💔
How do you organize a space party?
You planet. 🌌
Why don’t pandemics make good comedians?
They just can’t find the right timing! ⏳
What’s a germ’s favorite game?
Hide and seek, because they love being invisible! 🎭
Why did the cold virus break up with the flu virus?
It couldn’t handle the temperature swings! 🌡️
What do you call it when a virus has a bad day?
A pest-tastrophe! 🎭

Plague-Related Puns for Comfort and Laughter 😂

What did the plague say to the history teacher?
“I’m just making my mark in history!” ✍️
Why are plagues great for math quizzes?
Because they love to bring about sick solutions! 🧮
What do you get when you cross a virus with a popular video game?
Pandemic Legend! 🎮
Why was the sick person good at gardening?
They were great at planting sick seeds! 🌱
How does a virus apologize?
It says, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to infect you!” 🙇‍♂️
Why are infections good at making friends?
They always know how to spread happiness! 😄
What’s a virus’s favorite exercise?
Spread squats! 🏋️‍♂️
Why did the germ go to therapy?
It had too many issues to deal with! 🤷‍♂️
How does a virus propose?
“You’ve really infected my heart!” 💖
What do you call a healthy germ?
An exception! 🦠

Infectious Laughs: Hilarious One-Liners About Plagues

What did the doctor prescribe during the plague? A dose of mirth and a sprinkle of humor!
Why did the plague doctor become a comedian? He knew how to deliver the sickest lines!
I used to be afraid of plagues until I realized they’re just falling apart.
The plague needed a break. It was sick of all the drama!
Plagues may spread, but laughter is the best antidote!
What do you call a pessimistic plague? A virus with low spirits!
During a pandemic, my jokes entered isolation. They needed to quarantine for a while!
What’s a plague’s favorite exercise? Running from responsibility!
I asked the plague for a joke. It just quarantined the punchline!
Why did the skeleton survive the plague? He didn’t have the guts!
What do you call a plague that tells jokes? A pun-derful disaster!
There was a fight during the plague. It was a viral showdown!
Why don’t plagues share their toys? Because they’re contagiously selfish!
I told my friends the plague was coming. They all ran for the hills!
What did one plague say to the other? “We’re in this together, though I’d rather not be infected!”
What’s a plague’s favorite weather? Rain of terror!
What do you call an optimistic plague? A hope virus!
How does a plague send a message? Through its infectious charm!

Doctor of Humor: Witty Puns from the Plague Era

Plague doctors really knew how to make a point—with their beaks!
The only thing worse than the Black Plague was my comedy routine!
What did the plague doctor feels like after a long day? Fatigued but fluent in humor!
Why did the plague doctor bring a ladder? To reach new heights of hilarity!
What do you get when you cross a plague with a joke? A contagious laugh!
How does a plague doctor relax? With some infectious melodies!
Why do you never invite a plague to a party? It spreads like wildfire!
What do plagues and jokes have in common? They both travel in packs!
A plague’s favorite beverage? An infected drink!
Why did the plague doctor love math? Because he enjoyed solving sick equations!
What did the smart plague say? “You can’t put me in a box; I’m too viral!
What happens to bad puns during a plague? They quarantine themselves!
Why did the doctor specialize in plague humor? To study the humor in suffering!
What did one plague say to the other at the comedy show? “This pun isn’t half bad!”
Why do plagues ace at stand-up comedy? They know how to grab the audience!
The best advice from a plague doctor? “Always keep your humor close!”
What’s a plague’s least favorite movie? Contagion, obviously!
What did the patients call the plague doctor? The pun doctor of despair!

Cleansing Laughter: Hilarious and Clean Plague Puns

What’s a plague’s favorite fruit? An infected pear!
Why was the plague so great at cleaning? Because it wasn’t afraid to scrub!
What did the hand sanitizer say during the plague? “I’m here to clean things up!”
Why was the ancient plague favorite in hygiene books? It taught the world how to disinfect!
What’s a plague’s catchphrase? “Cleanliness is next to viralness!”
Why did the germs never get invited to parties? They didn’t clean up well!
What do you call a cleanliness enthusiast during a plague? A germ-phobe of laughter!
What did the soap say to the plague? “Let’s wash our hands of this!”
Why do clean jokes never go stale during plagues? Because they’re always scrubbed fresh!
What is the best advice for maintaining hygiene during a plague? Keep your wits and laughs clean!
How does a plague stay fresh? With some clean humor!
What do you call humor that’s been sanitized? Squeaky-clean laughter!
Why do comedians wash their jokes? To keep them clean and funny!
Why do plagues avoid dirty jokes? They prefer to stay sanitized!
How is a clean joke like a disinfectant? They both keep the bad stuff away!
What did the comedian say to the soap? “You really do lather me up!”
What’s as catchy as a viral joke? A clean conversation!
How does a clean joke travel? It goes directly to the laughter!

Infectious Giggles: Hilarious Plague Puns for a Good Laugh

Why do plagues love comedy shows? They can count on infectious laughter!
What’s the most contagious form of humor? Puns, obviously—it just spreads!
Why did the plague turn into a comedian? To infect the audience with laughter!
When is a plague’s favorite time? Pun-derland!
What’s a plague’s dream job? A comedian who tours continent to continent!
What’s a plague’s best remedy? A hearty dose of humor!
What did the virus say to the comedy club? “I’ll make this place sick with laughter!”
What’s a plague’s favorite place for laughs? The laughing stock!
Why don’t plagues get lonely? They always have their crowd!
What do plagues and comedians have in common? They’re both always looking for a punchline!
How do plagues stay relevant? By hitting up open mics!
What’s a virus’s favorite song? “I Will Survive!” It knows how to infect the charts!
What’s the best way to cheer up a sick friend? Share some infectious puns!
What did the cheering crowd do during the plague? They infected the room with laughs!
What did one virus say at the comedy night? “Let’s raise the stakes and make it viral!
Why does everyone love a good laugh? It makes the virus go away!
Why are plagues great motivators? They always rally the laughter!
What did the crowd say to the hilariously punny virus? “You really spread joy!”